Every spring when the second week of May rolls around, you realize three things:
- Your baseball team is not going to be as good as you thought this year.
- You won’t be able to collect every baseball card this year.
- Holy crap … Mother’s Day is just a few days away!
If you find yourself at this stage, there’s no need to panic.
That’s because you can combine your triple loves of Mom, baseball, and cardboard to come up with some killer gifts.
And if you don’t believe me, read on to find 10 (of the many) reasons that baseball cards make perfect Mother’s Day gifts.
Mother’s Day Is a Spring Holiday … Spring==Baseball
You can’t extract Baseball (proper) from Spring (proper), and you can’t extract Spring from Baseball.
They’re fresh and new, and you love them both forever and ever, unconditionally.
Mom may not be fresh and new anymore, but you love her forever and ever, unconditionally, too.
It’s all intertwined in a big ol’ ball of lovely, fresh, unconditional love and, when you think about it in those terms, the only true way to celebrate Mother’s Day is with copious quantities of baseball cards.
It’s simple logic.
Irrefutable scientific fact.
The only thing that would make it better is a little chocolate, and, heck, who says you can’t throw in a couple of leftover Easter Bunnies with your wax packs?
Some Baseball Cards Show Good Boys … Moms Like Good Boys
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If your mom has a son, you know she wanted him to be a good boy when he was growing up.
And she wants him to be a good boy as an adult.
Probably, he (you?) never quite lived up to those hopes.
But you know who did?
… and Gil Hodges …
… and Tony Gwynn …
… and Hank Aaron …
… and Roberto Clemente …
… and Stan Musial …
… and …
Well, you get the idea. By all accounts, these guys were good guys, certainly beloved. And you can get Mom a card of any or all of them to help celebrate her big day. Now, wouldn’t that make you a good boy?
Some Baseball Cards Show Bad Boys … (Some) Moms Like Bad Boys
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Sometimes, though, moms are human and want a glimpse of something a bit, um, wilder than the standard good boy.
That’s where the bad boys come into play.
And, boy, does baseball have it’s share of bad boys to offer.
I mean, you have Mickey Mantle and his carousing.
You have Chuck Finley and his rock star-ness.
You have Jose Canseco and his … everything.
You have Barry Bonds and his attitude.
You have Ty Cobb and Albert Belle and Jeff Kent and the bad, bad men who weren’t really bad but were nasty and mean and indomitable on the diamond … men like Bob Gibson.
Think Mom would sneeze at cardboard of those guys?
Not!
Mom Just Wants You to Be Happy
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When it comes to their babies, all moms really want out of life is for said babies to be healthy and happy.
And baseball cards help with both of those, right?
You hold a baseball card, it makes you happy, your blood pressure drops, and you’re healthier! Voila!
It doesn’t necessarily have to be your card, either.
Hold a card, buy a card for your mom, watch her open the card … the euphoria of all that card-plus-mom goodness in a compacted time frame will make it easy to overlook her faint expression of disappointment.
Besides …
She Might Re-Gift Them to You
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Let’s be honest here — this is the best-case scenario, right?
Mom opens your lovingly-curated selection of baseball cards and blushes at your kindness and thoughtfulness.
She loves them … loves you more than ever … is overcome with emotion.
Her altruistic tendencies kick in, and she insists — insists — that you take the new cards home with you. She has her flowers and memories and belly full of Mother’s Day lunch (and, yes, maybe some latent resentment).
You put up a good fight, but somehow end up heading home with your … um, Mom’s … baseball cards in tow.
Dad Will Be Jealous
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If, by some fluke, Mom both loves your (her) baseball cards and decides to keep them, you both win.
The reason?
Simple …
Dad will be in the corner eating his heart out.
He can’t say anything, because it’s Mother’s Day, after all. But you know what he’s thinking …
Hey, I like baseball cards, too!
Hey, I thought baseball cards were our thing!
Hope you weren’t expecting me to help you with your move next week.
Father’s Day better be really good.
Dads are great, but it’s fun to stick it to them once in awhile … you know, for Mom’s sake.
They Aren’t Vacuum Cleaners
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At first blush, baseball cards may not seem like the ideal gifts for your mom, but consider all the crap you’ve bought for her over the years. Or that your dad has bought for her …
Vacuum cleaners …
Slippers …
Flowers that made her sneeze …
Wilted flowers …
Power tools …
Did she ever get anything she actually wanted?
Baseball cards may not fit that bill, either, but at least they won’t make her work. And they won’t stink up the house. (Disclaimer: Unless they are Sportflics)
They Are Versatile MacGyver Fodder
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Mom’s are resourceful.
Sure, that’s a blanket statement, but one that’s hard to deny.
How many times did your own mother put you back together after a bike wreck or broken heart using nothing other tha